so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
