Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
