I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
