True but thats because hes a fetus.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
