so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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