i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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