I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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