Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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