My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
