That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
