She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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