woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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