ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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