god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
