Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there was a trapeze. enough said
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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