your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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