sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
