My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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