i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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