just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
