that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
