at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
