last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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