I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
