We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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