The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
