I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You may now shotgun with the bride
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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