I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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