Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
