I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
