well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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