i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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