He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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