Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am available for nakedness
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
