Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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