I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
