Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
