Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
