I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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