"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We have so much sex to catch up on
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
