No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i've created a new STD.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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