I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
