I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize