Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
