I have surprise drugs for everyone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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