i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize