if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
