Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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