apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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