i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
two words...techno handjob
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
