Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
