One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
