We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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