Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
