please come you make the beer taste better
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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