I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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