4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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