Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's always time for handjobs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
