The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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