Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
