i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
