yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
