a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize